In the beginning of the pandemic, I was full of emotions, I was nervous, a little worried and anxious. I had just been laid off, my job became looking for a job and my kids were home for spring break. I allowed my children to have their time with me and I wanted them to enjoy every minute of it. Then the schools closed and I said okay, I can home school for the next 2 weeks, no problem. Then the news that school would be closed for the rest of the year came and I was...... devastated. I had to remove myself from being around my children because I could feel those emotions I had bottled up rising to the top. I was going to burst and the last thing I wanted was for my children to worry about me or be afraid of what was to come.
My emotions were mainly anger and worry. I was angry that this was happening, I didn’t sign up to home school my children, that is why I sent them to school in the first place! I knew my limit for patience and it was not as high as it should be to teach them. I was like Jonah who was so angry that God did not rain down justice on Ninevah, that is how I felt. God asked Jonah if he had a good reason to be angry, and I had to ask myself the same question. Jonah's response was " I do well to be angry…" (Jonah 4:9). Truth be told, I felt that so much. But then God brought the scripture Ephesians 4:26-27, "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil", to my remembrance and I had to let these emotions go and for that I needed an adult timeout.
I went to take a shower and release these bottled up emotions. I put on some upbeat gospel music loud and, I screamed, shouted and cried (us mommy gangsters cry in the shower, cause it don't count). I yelled out WHY God!? WHY ME? I don’t have the patience of a teacher, or Job for that matter! I can't do it, I won't make it, heck they might not make it! When I stopped and released all of it God spoke to me and said, "Why not you, you are their mother, their first teacher, you will make it and so will they and who needs the patience of Job when you can always stop and take a break, you can do this, I will help you, my child remember whose you are". When I stepped out, I was calm, I had a smile on my face and the Lord led me to the scripture Philippians 4:13. YESSSS, I can do all things Jesus!
The days since then of being home have been a little better and my ability to be patient with them has gotten better. Now that school is over, it has become even better as I allow them to create schedules that work well for them and they have input on what they would like to do for the day. Some days it is movie marathon, game day, workout day, nature walk day and other days we just relax and allow the day to breeze by while we just eat popcorn and watch cartoons. The only thing I make them promise is that we allow 30 minutes for reading and another 30 minutes to an hour of comprehensive education in their workbooks. But I am truly thankful for this time with them.
Lord, we thank you for the ability to be home with our babies, to again be their first teacher. Lord grant peace to the worried parent, calm their spirit and allow them to be strengthened in their weakened place. Thank you for the peace of mind to know that no matter what we are covered by you and your spirit. We have a keeper in you our master teacher! Amen
Just Breathe!
Love
Just Syai
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