Tired, fatigued and overwhelmed! Those were some of the physical and emotional feelings I was dealing with in 2018 going into 2019. I would have episodes where I could barely move because my body would shut down and I couldn't move for a day, I would have migraines more often than usual because I was stressing over deadlines and commitments. With all of this still, I continued to stretch myself thin and say yes to projects that I shouldn’t have, do favors for people I shouldn't have, work a 9-5 job, try to start a business, be a mom, a wife and many other hats that I should have left at the altar. I ended up having a come to Jesus moment with myself in the car one day. I was weeping to God for me not to be tired, for him to give me more energy, more time to do the things I had committed to do. The answer I received in that moment shocked me but gave me clarity beyond measure.
God told me NO. He told me no, he would not give me strength to continue to hurt myself. I was not taking care of myself, I was overworking and overwhelming myself and I was hurting myself physically and eventually I would cause a rift in my home. God brought to my remembrance the scripture I Corinthians 6:19; my body was not my own. My body belongs to the Lord and my husband and I was not caring for it as I should. I was so used to saying yes to everything that was asked of me. God told me I was working but I was not being productive and I was filling time being busy just to be busy. I prayed for more direction, guidance, wisdom on what to do and how to continue to handle the obligations that I already had on my plate.
I had spoken with my husband later on and asked him was he okay with us. He said yes but things could be better. He was starting to feel as though I was too busy for him and although he wanted me to grow and be great, he didn't want to sacrifice our marriage in the process. I agreed and promised him that I would do better in ensuring that there be peace in our home and our marriage. We made a promise to communicate better in that area so that we didn't fall victim to growing apart and allowing successes, titles and the such to ruin us.
The word of God says that if you lack wisdom ask of God and he will give it to you liberally (James 1:5). I had to come to terms with what God was telling me, He was telling me to let go of one sided friendships, to step away from obligations that was robbing HIS time, respectfully resign from offices and to take care of myself. I set in motion to do all of those things and some may I add were not easy to do. The hardest of them all was saying NO. I began to say no more often, without apology, without explanation. I began to say Yes to myself, my family, my loved ones who were supporting my process and wanted me to take care of me, and the world did not fall apart.
It is okay to say NO, it is okay to take time for yourself and your family, it is okay to be selfish one day and not answer calls, emails and text messages. It is okay to go get a massage, your nails done, your hair done, stay home, read a book, watch a movie, eat ice cream from the container. IT IS OKAY TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!! Set boundaries and respect them, because as soon as you don't people will cross them without apology. Allow your NO to be as sufficient as God's Grace. Not everything demands or needs an explanation or an apology. A simple, No, I am unable to do that right now is okay. The consequences of not taking care of yourself is not healthy and can lead to serious illnesses.
Lord, help us to take care of the bodies, families and friends you have gifted to us. Allow us the strength, grace, mercy and wisdom to know when we need to pull back and take care of US, spend time with you and disconnect from the world. Lord allow us to love us the way you love us. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Just Breathe
Love Syai
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