JustSyai

Shame, something we feel when we are powerless or exposed. Have you ever felt this way before? I felt like that in a group chat with my friends, I felt shamed for having a failed marriage. I was told those years of marriage don't count, only my years of my current healthy marriage was what counted. While it may not have been the intentions, as we were joking and laughing within the text string, nevertheless, I was hurt….those years no matter how hard they were, counted to me. Those years, no matter how unhealthy, produced a wonderful and beautiful child and taught me what I deserved, wanted and needed from a man I would call my husband. Those years taught me about ME.   I wondered and thought about my feelings of why I was hurt, hurt that someone felt that something outside of my control was thought of as not counting. That period in my life I can't change but it does count. Just like a career, your experience in a particular field does count, no matter how many jobs you ha...

I was talking to another mom one day while picking my daughter up from school (before Corona) and she said, sometimes she feels bad because she is not the perfect mom. I said to her none of us are, we all make mistakes and do things a way that can sometimes be wrong, but it all works out for greatness somehow. Then when I got home, the Lord kept telling me perfection is not a necessity. Why do we have this fascination with being perfect? I have gone through it myself many times. I can't tell you how often I have unraveled a completed project because I messed up, decided not to wear a particular outfit or completely redid my hair because it wasn't perfect.  Christians often feel that they have to be perfect in the eyes of the church to be used or hold office,  unbelievers say "I have to get myself right before I come to the Lord" as if they can become a vision of perfection on their own.  Let's be clear, there is no one perfect besides Christ , not even me.   ...

I know we are all TIRED of being in the house, ready to go out into the world and be with our family and other loved ones. I know that for me being home has gotten a bit harder and I have had to dig deep to find some outlets that helped me cope with being home. One of the main things has been disconnecting from news and some other media outlets for a couple of hours or even days at a time. It has helped me to refocus, re-energize and calibrate my emotions. I urge you to take a break from the news and focus on yourself or your family, it helps to calm your spirit more than you think.  Here are a couple of other things that I have been doing to keep me sane during this quarantine.   Reading - I love a good book and can read a good book in one day. I subscribe to Bookbub  to get a daily update on free and low priced books on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Apple and Google websites. I cuddle up in the recliner or in the bed with a hot cup of my favorite tea of the week and dig...

In the beginning of the pandemic, I was full of emotions, I was nervous, a little worried and anxious. I had just been laid off, my job became looking for a job and my kids were home for spring break. I allowed my children to have their time with me and I wanted them to enjoy every minute of it. Then the schools closed and I said okay, I can home school for the next 2 weeks, no problem. Then the news that school would be closed for the rest of the year came and I was...... devastated. I had to remove myself from being around my children because I could feel those emotions I had bottled up rising to the top. I was going to burst and the last thing I wanted was for my children to worry about me or be afraid of what was to come.   My emotions were mainly anger and worry. I was angry that this was happening, I didn’t sign up to home school my children, that is why I sent them to school in the first place! I knew my limit for patience and it was not as high as it should be to teach ...

I will never forget when I was modeling and I was out to eat with some friends afterwards and one of them said, " You look like a whole different person, I almost didn't recognize you"! That didn't sit well with me. I don't want to look like someone else, I want to look like me. I am glad that I don't look like some of the things that I have been through and I still look young enough for people to think my youngest and oldest daughters and I are sisters. They can't stand that! Truth be told, I LOVE IT!!!   Sometimes as women in Christ we feel as though we have to have the outward appearance on point at all times to ensure we look Holy and all put together. Then on the inside we are dying, crying, broken, begging and pleading for help. Afraid to ask people to pray for us and not wanting to pray for ourselves because that would make it real. Why do we continue to live this beautiful lie? To please people in the church? To have people thinking we got it a...

Today was a rough day, rougher than my normal day. I had the urge today to want to socialize and be around good people, laugh, have intellectual discussions, eat good food and just not be in the house. Today I missed my family and close friends who I have not been able to see since the pandemic started. Today was rough day and I admitted to myself that I was not okay today. Just recently I took a test that confirmed, I am an ambivert. I am okay with being home and isolated like most introverts, a good book or a ball of yarn, hook and movie has been doing me great. Today that extroverted side of me was calling for attention. I wanted to be around people so bad, to the point that I was willing to wear a mask and gloves in ninety degree weather, just to fulfill that urge. However, I decided to come home, why you ask? Because, I am a mom and a wife and as much as the extrovert in me wanted to be out and about, my home and the care of it comes first.     I have been trying my bes...

The news of another black man being killed by the police (George Floyd) is all over the headlines and people like me are understandably angry, hurt and just   frustrated. I have had to explain to my children the careless and insensitive actions of others and again talk about how they should interact when they are in the presence of a police officer, how they should walk in the neighborhood we live in, toys they can and cannot play with, clothing they can and cannot wear and the talking goes on and on and on. My son asks "Mommy, what can we do"? My response, "Son we are believers in Christ so we pray".   People who don't see through our scope of lens may ask why are we frustrated, what have you really gone through to make you mad. I cannot speak for everyone, however being an Afro-Latina, I often have been met with racist comments and actions. For example, I have been told, you don't look like you have Puerto Rican in you, are you sure you weren't ado...

Hello Loves! Let me take this opportunity to introduce myself and welcome you all to my blog. I am so thankful that you stopped by. My name is Syaidah, just like the famous singer-songwriter Siedah Garret, but you can call me Syai (pronounced Sigh). I am a Christian, a wife, a mother of 3 children, a lover of all things fabric, yarn and music, lastly but certainly not least, I am a writer.   I have been writing for years, it started as journaling and slowly turned into mini articles. I would start to write about my feelings, prayers and the Lord would give me scriptures to add in. Then I would be in church listening to the word, suddenly I would get a download from heaven and I would quickly jot it down so I could write about it when I got home. The urge to write would burn in my mind, flow in my thoughts or replay over and over at the most inopportune times, until I put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard. The name Just Syai came forth because I found that I was losing myself....